Saturday, March 21, 2009


Ignorance. It has to be a humans worst trait. The choice not to know, not to find out, not to discover, not to consider another side. It’s the opposite of curious (See Curiosity). I was reflecting today on my worst act of ignorance.

I chose to believe that being gay was against the divine plan. Yet, my best friend, the best man at my wedding, the one whom my middle son is named after – was, and is gay. But, God said it, I believed it, so that settled it.

I remember a week long road trip we took together, he and I. Across Canada we drove. Him clearly confused how I, his closest friend, could be so cold, callous, and unwilling to empathize. I mean couldn’t he just choose not to be gay?

In the name of Love, I hurt him beyond all measure. I devalued him as a person, who he was, was wrong. I had chosen to believe those who told me, rather than understand myself.

The debate may rage on, but I have now come to feel it’s totally pointless. The composite picture of God is someone who loves and embraces – we humans are the one’s who want to play street cop – like the children on the playground so determined to enforce ‘the rules’. What rules? Love your neighbour?

How foolish it seems now to look back on the debate over slavery, the voting rights of women, or the equality of blacks – and know who was on the other side of those debates – determined that the ‘truth’ be upheld.

We live in a culture where we are all involved in ‘ethnic profiling’. There is a paranoia born of ignorance. I was in a taxi today driven by a Sikh man who spoke little English. As we got closer to my destination I was suspicious he was slowing down to increase the fare. What the fuck was I thinking?

I am still in touch with my best man. I am confident we still love each other. I do know though, I have left scars, unholy scars, inflicted because I was too certain – too certain of what I didn’t really know.


  1. This is so good Rory. Thank you for being willing to tell this story.

  2. My favourite post so far.

  3. That is the side of religion that has kept me out of church all these years. Thank God you came to a place of acceptance and Thank God your friend was able to keep his heart open to you.

  4. Thanks Rory. I like this.

    You might be interested to see this website

    Wendy is a friend of mine who is flipping the whole conversation between the church and gays on its head... I love her bold, incisive, grace-filled thinking.

  5. Rory - Mark just pointed me here.

    Thank you for sharing this story. Kind of reminds me of what David Hayward shared in a recent post at his "naked pastor" blog here:

    A new day is dawning in the church, a new awakening, a new understanding - fresh humility, courage and grace - and it can't come a moment too soon..... for there are all too many places where fear, rigid certainty, and theoretical moralizing still trump relational engagement marked by self-giving love.